Millions have turned to communication guru Jefferson Fisher for help with the conversations that count. His simple, powerful, and surprisingly doable approach might just change the way you talk, argue, and connect with the people in your life.
Strong Words
Jefferson Fisher, a Texas-based trial attorney turned viral sensation, built a global following from the front seat of his parked pickup truck, where he began sharing practical communication tips in short, engaging videos online. He offers approachable, no-nonsense advice on how to “argue less and talk more” that resonates across generations and platforms.
The Next Conversation: Argue Less, Talk More, Fisher’s first book, became a New York Times bestseller in 2025, cementing his reputation as a leading voice on the subject of modern communication. It fleshes out his three-part communication system — “say it with control, say it with confidence, say it to connect” — and shows how to apply this system in virtually any situation. Fisher offers practical tactics for approaching conflicts, and much more besides: He sets out a philosophy of communication that aligns with the values of authenticity, connection, and compassion.
Win the Relationship, Not the Argument
When it comes to conflict, Fisher recommends not trying to win. Winning an argument might satisfy your ego, he says, but a victory won’t improve your relationship, and it can even do irreparable damage. Instead, he says, approach an argument as an opportunity to understand the hidden struggles and drivers behind a conflict. For example, if someone accuses you of not listening, this might signify a deep desire on their part to be heard. Strive to transform moments of conflict into opportunities to connect and build more meaningful relationships, Fisher advises.
Fisher recognizes that missteps are a common feature of communication. Happily, you always have the chance to rectify your mistakes — that is, to reframe, say sorry, forgive, and laugh — in your next conversation. He suggests approaching your next conversation with a learner’s mindset. Determine one realistic goal you’d like the conversation to achieve, and figure out which of your values — honesty, kindness, fairness, and so on — you need to tap into to meet that goal.
Say It with Control: Identify Your Triggers and Speak Calmly
Fisher argues that three common communication obstacles stand in the way of connection. The first, he says, is insufficient awareness, which often leads people to send unintended messages via their vocal tone or volume, gestures, facial expressions, and so on. By becoming more self-aware, you can better control the signals you’re broadcasting and connect to your own emotional responses. Self-awareness enables you to speak with control, the first part of Fisher’s communication system.
The fastest way to lose your peace of mind is to give someone a piece of yours.
To learn to speak with control, Fisher recommends identifying your own and others’ emotional triggers — knowledge that can help you respond calmly in a conflict. He provides techniques to help you maintain your composure in a heated situation, such as breathing in a controlled manner and engaging in empowering self-talk to remind yourself of your goals.
Say It with Confidence: Be Assertive and Advocate for Yourself
The second major obstacle to communication, according to Fisher, is a lack of self-assurance. Weak self-confidence, he says, can lead people to tell others what they think they want to hear, or cause them to bury their true feelings — both of which prevent true understanding. Work to communicate honestly, advocate confidently for your own needs, set boundaries, and state your needs plainly and unapologetically, Fisher advises.
Confidence is a feeling. It can’t be summoned at will. You can’t call it off the bench. That’s why it’s often not there when you need it.
Fisher points out that confidence is a feeling, like happiness or hunger, and you can’t simply switch on and off; however, you can build your confidence by taking action and being assertive, he says. As a start, he suggests choosing your words wisely and using fewer words to convey your message, which will at least make you sound more confident and assertive. When you speak, omit unnecessary words and phrases, such as “basically” or “literally.”
Fisher also offers powerful insights for asserting yourself when someone tries to rile you. The knowledge that an immediate reaction will give your aggressor a dopamine rush and make the person feel more powerful can help you resist your initial impulse to respond combatively. Instead, Fisher advises, use tension-diffusing tactics: Pause after the other person speaks, creating space for reflection; repeat their words slowly, ensuring they hear them; and practice deep breathing to help you control your own emotions. If someone disparages you, Fisher suggests asking the person to repeat their words, and then replying with silence or an inquiry about their desired outcome — for example, “Did you want to embarrass me?”
Say It to Connect: Chart a Plan, Don’t Wing It
Fisher’s third impediment to communication is a lack of understanding. While criticizing others for holding beliefs you disagree with might be tempting, getting curious about those perspectives is a more effective approach. The ability to understand another person’s worldview is a learned skill that can be improved with practice. Fisher recommends simple techniques to help you build understanding and forge bonds with your conversational partners. For example, he discusses the use of conversational frames to give conversations a clear direction, helping you and your conversation partner agree on parameters and goals, and making it harder to veer off topic.
Too often, you wait until you’re talking to figure out what you want to say. You’re good with takeoff — that is, initiating discussion — but you don’t know how to land the plane.
When you have to broach a difficult conversation, Fisher recommends preparing thoroughly, scheduling a block of time so you can hold the conversation without interruptions, avoiding pleasantries (which can make you sound insincere), and commencing by stating your main point directly, without excuses.
Fisher’s book offers an important reminder that communication isn’t about winning — it’s about connecting. When people bring more awareness, confidence, and care to their conversations, they don’t just reduce conflict; they build trust and create space for deeper understanding. In a world where so much gets lost in translation, that might just be one of the most powerful skills anyone can practice.
